Why I Do What I Do

queti azurin visual artist

I have always been a creative person. Through the years, I have tried not to deviate very far from anything that is not creative. That is how I find myself flourishing. That is how I grow and learn. That is when I am in my element. It is oxygen to my very being.

I tend to gravitate towards anything creative and tend to repel work that requires too many numbers, calculations, math equations…hahaha! But hey, I absolutely can tolerate hexadecimal color values.

There have been periods and seasons in my life where I was not able to produce artworks while so occupied with family life and homeschooling my children when they were younger. But I have NEVER had any time in my life where I did not create and make things. My daily home life as a wife and mother actually allows me to be creative in many ways.

I am a proud Filipino now living in Canada with my awesome hubby and two amazing daughters. Before I left my home country, I put up an exhibit entitled “Uproot.” I have yet to complete a series of works that should follow that exhibition which should be called “Planted.” But I still can’t bring myself to work on that series because I don’t feel deeply rooted on the new soil yet.

The first year and half of being an immigrant was a time I fell off my equilibrium. I listened to voices that told me I had to be and do certain things to survive as a new landed immigrant. One of which was to pursue work that was not related to the arts so I could earn a living. Out of fear, I must say I succumbed to that myth and I died inside.

 

I woke up from that stupor…

I am now resolutely, audaciously, assertively, unabashed, without shame or doubt, declaring that

“I am an artist. PERIOD. You deal with it.”

I do not say that with arrogance but with a full realization that I’m ultimately responsible for the gift that the Lord has given me. I cannot let anyone’s opinion stop me from pursuing my purpose and destiny. My calling to be an artist is stronger and louder than an opinion. The talent I have was never meant for me alone, it was meant to be shared and to serve others.

 

Quitting the pursuit of making art will be selfish. That’s an easier route. And I tell you, countless times my flesh wants to quit but my soul does not. I have cried an ocean of tears from frustration, disappointment and sometimes desperation.

I’m scared out of my wits to drive. I will never bungee jump nor ride a roller coaster that loops. I’m so afraid of mice and any animal that resembles a rodent. I used to not be able to look at and hold raw meat. These things may make me seem like a wimp but you know what I just realized,

I am actually courageous.

I have taken a road less travelled. Risky and oh so scary. Most people are scared for me because they think I will end up as a starving artist. They may never understand how much my soul craves for art.  I know it comes from good intent and concern. They only see and want to see worldly results but fail to respect and appreciate the value of the journey and the process. The fear of most people is that I may fail at this, well, let me fail, because I will get right back up. What they don’t comprehend is that the absence of art in my life is what will make me starve.

Most people’s definition of success is so different from mine and I get that. I have reached an age where I have built convictions and my own definition of success and how my God defines it for me.

 

Art like music is a powerful force that can move, inspire and heal. If I quit, I will be depriving those that I can bless from receiving joy, inspiration and emotional healing or release through my work . I choose to pursue creating art.

An exciting journey ahead awaits and let’s see how I roll from here on.

 

My name is Queti Azurin and I am a visual artist.